(Un)happy work anniversary

20 years ago, on a pleasant monsoon morning, I joined my first job. It was a Friday. I wore a new salwar kameez that mum had stitched for this very event-white kurta with lavender and cyan flowers paired with solid cyan salwar and dupatta. My heart raced so hard as if it’s trying to come out of the ribcage. I was in a trance-like state throughout the first day, surrealism never leaving my side. It was like a version of me experienced the first day at work, and another version of me watched the first version of  experience the first day at work.

And for those who know me from my blog, this anniversary is different than the one that started this blog in the first place: Work Anniversary | 3 Years & Counting. That one’s for the current job. This one is for the first job. The first job holds a special place in my heart (everyone’s heart, cuz that’s when we start making our own money).

Honestly, I didn’t think I’d make it to twenty years at work; just like I didn’t think I’d make it to my forthieth birthday.  My brain is weird that way (read: scared). I fear death will envelop me before I reach any milestone, not that these milestone mean that much to me these days.

So, here’s to me, on my unhappiest work anniversary. It sucks, and I can’t think of quitting.

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Shabana Mukhtar