Disclaimer
This book is transliteration of Umera Ahmed’s masterpiece Peer-e-Kaamil WITHOUT HER PERMISSION.
This is only for those readers who understand Urdu but can’t read it. On Goodreads, some people asked meabout Roman transliteration of Peer-e-Kamil. I couldn’t find it, so I made a mental note to try and make it available to others for free when I get time. Then I forgot about it because I never get time.
And this morning, I got this book. Some kind soul had enough time to transliterate, print, and spiral bind and bring it home.
Anyone interested in reading the roman version can borrow from me.
And those online can read it here.
P.S. This is NOT English translation. If you want that, it’s available on Amazon.
Professor Robinson apna lecture shuru kar chuke the. Salar ne apne saamne pade paper pa tareekh aur topic likha. Wo economic recession ke hawaale se baat kar rahe the. Salar hamesha ki tarah un par nazrein jamaaye hue tha magar uska zahen ghair haazir tha aur ye uske sath zindagi mein pehli baat hua tha. Wo unhein dekhte hue kahin aur pahonch gaya tha. Kahan, wo ye bhi nahin bata sakta tha. Ek image se doosre image, doosre se teesre……. ek scene se doosre, doosre se teesre……….. ek aawaz se doosri, doosri se teesri……… uska safar kahan se shuru hua, kahan nahin.
“Salar chalna nahin hai?” Sandra ne uska kandha hilaaya.
Wo chaunk gaya, class khaali thi, sirf Sandra uske paas baithi hui thi. Usne be yaqeeni se khaali class ko aur phir wall clock ko dekha phir apni wrist watch ko.
“Professor Robinson kahan gaye?” be ikhteyaar uske munh se nikla.
“Class khatm ho gayi, wo chale gaye.” Sandra ne kuch hairaan hote hue use dekha.
“Class khatm ho gayi?” use jaise yaqeen nahin aaya.
“Haan!” Salar ne be ikhteyaar apni aankhon ko mas’ala aur phir apni seatki pusht se tek laga li. Wahid cheez jo use professor Robinson ke lecture ke barey mein yaad thi, wo sirf topic tha. Uske baad wo nahin jaanta tha ke unhon ne kya kaha tha.
“Tum kuch upset ho?” Sandra ne pucha.
“Nahin, kuch nahin, main kuch der ke liye yahan akela baithna chahta hoon.”
“Okay!” Sandra ne use dekhte hue kaha aur apni cheezein utha ka bahar chali gayi.
Wo apne seeney par baazu baandhe saamne nazar aane wale writing board ko dekhne laga. Aaj ye teesri class thi jis mein uske sath ye hua tha. Uska khayaal tha university dobara join kar ke baad sab kuch maamul par aa jayega, wo depression ke is phase se bahar aa jayega jis ka wo ab tak shikaar tha, magar aisa nahin hua. Wo university mein bhi mukammal taur par us zehni inteshaar ka shikaar tha jis mein wo itne dino se tha, pehli baar uska dil padhayi se bhi uchaat ho raha tha. Wahan har cheez use masnooyi lag rahi thi. Wo zindagi mein pehli baar saheeh maanon mein depression ka shikaar hua tha. Studies, university, friends, club, parties, restaurants, sair-o-tafreeh, har heez uske liye be maani ho kar reh gayi thi. Usne doston se milna ek dam chod diya. Answer phone par aksar uska paighaam hua karta ke wo ghar par nahin hai. Wo friends ke israar par unke sath kahin jaane ka program bana leta tha aur phir ek dam jaane se inkaar kar deta. Chala bhi jaata to kisi waqt bhi baghair bataye uth kar waapas aa jaata. Wo university mein bhi yahi kar raha tha. Ek din jaata, do din ghayab rehta. Ek period leta, agley do period chod deta.
Apne apartment mein kabhi kabhaar wo saara din bed par lete hue guzaar deta, baaz dafa wo film dekhna shuru karta aur dedh do ghante ke baad bhi uski samajh mein ye nahin aata ke wo kya dekh raha hai. TV channels ghumaatey hue wo usi kaifiyat ka shikaar rehta. Uski bhook khatm ho gayi thi. Wo koi cheez khana shuru karta aur phir ek dam uska dil doob jaata. Wo isi tarah use chod deta. Baaz dafa wo poora poora din kuch bhi nahin khata tha. Sirf yake-baad-deegrey coffee ke cup apne andar undelta rehta.
Wo chain smoker nahin tha magar in dinon ban gaya tha. Wo apni cheezein bahot qareeney se rakhne ka aadi tha magar in dinon uska apartment gandagi ki misaal tha aur use in bikhri hui cheezon ko dekh kar koi uljhan nahin hoti thi. Usne apne bahen bhaiyon aur waldain se bhi guftgu bahot mukhtasar kar di thi. Wo phone par bolte rehte, wo dusri taraf kuch bhi kahe baghair khamushi se sunta rehta ya hoon haan mein jawaab de deta. Uske paas unhein batane ke liye, unke sath share karne ke liye ek dam sab kuch khatm ho gaya tha aur use in mein se ek baat ki bhi wajah nahin maalum thi.
Aur use ye baar bhi maalum thi ke uski in tamaam kaifiyaat aur haalat ka talluq Imama Hashim se hai. Na wo uski zindagi mein aati na uske sath ye sab kuch hota. Pehle wo use na pasand karta tha ab use Imama se nafrat hone lagi thi. Pachtaawey ka jo halka sa ehsaas kuch arsa uske saath raha tha, wo ghayab ho gaya tha.
“Us ke sath jo hua, theek hua. Main ne uske sath jo kiya, theek kiya. Uske sath is se zyada bura hona chahiye tha.”
Wo khud ba khud hi apne aap se kehta rehta. Use Imama Hashim ki zabaar se nikle hue har lafz, har harf, har jumley se nafrat thi. Use uski baatein yaad aatin aur uski neend ghayab ho jaati. Ek ajeeb si wehshat use gher leti. Usne us raat jin baaton ka mazaaq udaya tha, wo ab har waqt uske kaanon mein goonjney lagi thin.
“Kya main pagal ho raha hoon, kya main apne hosh-o-hawaas khota jaa raha hoon, kya main Schizophrenia ka shikaar hoon?” baaz dafa use baithe bithaye khauf mehsoos hone lagta.
Har cheez ki be-maaniwiyat badhti jaa rahi thi. Har cheezki ba-maqsadiyat aur ayaan ho rahi thi. Wo kahan tha, kya tha, kyun tha, kahan khada tha, kyun khada tha? Use har waqt ye sawalaat tang karne lage. Kya hoga agar main Yale se ek MBA ki degree le lunga. Bahot achi job mil jayegi, koi factory shuru kar lunga phir……. Kya ye wo kaam tha jis ke liye mujhe zameen par utaara gaya……… 150+ IQ level ke saath………… ke main chand degrees loon, shaandaar sa business karun, shadi karun, bachche paida karun, aish karun phir mar jaaun, bas………….
Usne zindagi mein 4 dafa sirf apne tajassus ke liye maut ke tajrubey se guzarne ki koshish ki thi magar ab shadeed depression ka aalam mein bhi wo khud kushi ki koshish nahin kar raha tha. 24 ghantey maut ke barey mein sochne ke bawajood bhi wo use chhoona nahin chahta tha.
Laikin agar usse koi ye puch leta ke kya wo zinda rehna chahta hai to wo haan mein jawaab dene mein bhi ta’ammul nahin karta. Wo zinda rehna nahin chahta tha kyun ke wo zindagi mafhoom ko nahin jaanta tha.
Wo marna nahin chahta tha kyun ke wo maut ke mafhoom se bhi waaqif nahin tha.
Wo kisi khalaa mein mo’allaq tha, kisi darmiyaan wali jagah mein, kisi beech wali kaifiyat mein. Zinda rehte hue urda, murda hote hue zinda……… wo sarshaari ki intehaa par pahonch raha tha lamha ba lamha. 150+ IQ rakhne wala wo shakhs jo apne saamne kahi aur suni jaaney wali koi bhi cheez nahin bhula sakta tha. Cigarette ka dhuwaan udaatey, beer ke ghoont lete, night club mein raqs karte, mahenge restaurant mein dinner karte, apni girlfriend ke sath raat guzaartey, wo sirf ek baat sochta rehta.
“Kya zindagi ka maqsad yahi hai?”
“Aish aur aasaish………? Shaandaar libaas, behtreen khooraak, aali tareen sahoolatein. 60-70 saal ki ek zindagi aur phir?”
Uske baad us phir ka koi jawaab nahin hota tha. Magar is “phir” ki wajah se uski zindagi ke maamulaat bigad gaye the. Wo rafta rafta be-khwaabi ka shikaar ho raha tha aur ye un hi dinon tha ke usne achaanak mazhab mein dilchaspi lena shuru ki. Depression se nijaat ke liye wo bahot se logon ko yahi kaam karte dekhta tha. Usne bhi yahi kaam shuru kiya. Usne Islam ke barey mein kuch kitabein padhne ki koshish ki. Tamaam kitaabein uske sar ke upar se guzar gayin. Koi lafz, koi baat use apni taraf nahin kheench rahi thi. Wo khud par jabr kar ke chand safhaat padhta aur un kitaabon ko rakh deta. Kuch waqt guzarne ke baad phir utha leta, phir rakh deta.
“Nahin, shayad mujhe amli taur par ibaadat shuru karni chahiye. Isse ho sakta hai ke mujhe kuch fayda ho.”
Wo apne aap ko khud hi samjhaata aur ek din jab wo Saad ke paas tha to usne yahi kiya.
“Main bhi chalta hoon tumhare sath.” Usne Saad ko bahar nikalte dekh kar kaha.
“Magar main to Isha ki namaz padhne jaa raha hoon.” Saad ne use yaad dahaani karwayi.
“Main jaanta hoon.” Usne apne joggers ke tasmey kastey hue kaha.
“Mere sath masjid chaloge?” Wo hairaan hua.
“Haan!” wo khada ho gaya.
“Namaaz padhne ke liye?”
“Haan!” Salar ne kaha. “Is tarah dekhne ki kya zaroorat hai, main kaafir to nahin hoon.”
“Kaafir to nahin ho magar……….. chalo khair, padh lena aaj.” Saad ne kuch kehte kehte baat badal di. “Main to tumhein pehle hi kitni baar sath chalne ke liye keh chuka hoon.”
Salar ne jawaab mein kuch nahin kaha. Wo khamushi se chalte hue uske sath bahar aa gaya.
“Ab agar aaj masjid jaa hi rahe ho to phir jaate rehna. Ye na ho ke bas aaj pehle aur aakhri visit hi ho.” Saad ne imaarat se bahar nikalte hue usse kaha. Bahar is waqt barf baari ho rahi thi. Masjid, rehaaish ki imaarat se kuch faasley par thi. Wo ek Misri (Egyptian) khaandaan ka ghar tha jiska nichla hissa masjid ke taur par un logon ne istemaal ke liye diya hua tha jab ke upar wale hisse mein wo log khud rehte the. Baaz dafa wahan namaaziyon ki tadaad 10-15 ke darmiyaan hi rehti thi.
Saad masjid tak pahonchne tak Salar ko in tafseelaat se aagaah karta raha. Salar khamushi aur kuch laa talluqi ke aalam mein sadak par ehteyaat se phisalti gaadiyon aur har taraf maujood barf ke dher par nazrein daudaata uske sath chalta raha.
5-7 minute chalte rehne ke aad ek mod mud kar Saad ek ghar ka darwaza khol kar andar daakhil ho gaya. Darwaza band tha magar lock nahin tha aur Saad ne darwaze par dastak di thi na hi kisi se ijaazat maangi thi. Bade maanoos se andaaz mein usne darwaze ka handle ghumaaya aur phir andar daakhil ho gaya. Salar ne uski pairwee ki.
“Tum wuzoo kar lo.” Saad ne achanak use mukhatib kiya aur phir use sath le kar ek darawaza khol kar ek bathroom mein daakhil ho gaya.
Saad ki zair-e-nigraani jab tak wo wuzoo ke aakhri hissey tak pahonchta, garm paani thande mein tabdeel ho chuka tha. Apne baalon ka masah karte karte wo ek baar phir thitkaa. Saad samjha use saheeh tareeqa nahin pata. Usne ek baar phir use hidaayat di. Wo khaali-uz-zehni ka aalam mein apne haathon ko ek baar phir harkat dene laga.
Guddi tak haath phertey hue uska haath gardan mein maujood zanjeer se takraya tha. Uski nazar be ikhteyaar saamne aayine mein gayi. Wo ek baar phir kahin aur pahonch chuka tha. Saad ne usse kuch kaha tha. Is baar usne nahin suna.
Kamrey mein maujood 10 afraad do safon mein khade ho rahe the. Wo Saad ke sath pichli saf mein khada ho gaya. Imam sahab ne imaamat shuru kar di, sab ke sath usne bhi niyat ki.
“Namaz se waqai sukoon milta hai?” Usne koi 2 haftey pehle ek ladke ko namaaz ke mas’aley par Saad ke sath bahes mein uljha paaya tha.
“Mujhe to milta hai.” Saad ne kaha.
“Main tumhari baat nahin kar raha, main sab ki baat kar raha hoon, sab ko milta hai?” us ladke ne kaha.
“Ye munhasir hai ke sab kitna involve ho kar namaaz padhte hain.”
Salar bade ukhtaaye hue andaaz mein unki bahes kisi mudaakhlat ya tabsarey ke baghair sunta raha tha. Is waqt wo laa sha’oori taur par namaaz mein inhemaak paida karne ki koshish kar raha tha.
“Sukoon? Main waqai dekhna chahta hoon ke namaaz se sukoon kaise milta hai.” Usne rukoo mein jaate hue apne dil mein socha phir usne pehla sajda kiya. Uske izteraab aur be chaini mein yak-ba-yak izaafa ho gaya. Jin alfaaz ko wo imaam sahab ki zabaan se sun raha tha, wo bahot naa maanoos lag rahe the, jo log uske ird gird khade the, wo use naa aashna lag rahe the, jis maahol mein wo maujood tha wo use ghair fitri lag raha tha aur jo kuch wo kar raha tha, wo use munaafeqat mehsoos ho rahi thi.
Har sajdey ke sath uske dil-o-dimaagh ka bojh badhta jaa raha tha. Usne pehli 4 rakaat bamushkil khatm kin. Salaam pherney ke dauraan usne apne dayen jaanib wale adhed umr shakhs ke gaalon par aansu dekhe, uska dil waha se bhaag jaane ko chaha. Wo jee kada kar ke ek baar phir khada ho gaya. Usne ek baar phir namaaz mein poori tarah munhamik hone ki koshish ki.
“Is baar mein padhi jaane wali aayaat ke har lafz par ghaur karunga. Shayad is tarah………” Uski soch ka tasalsul toot gaya. Niyat ki jaa rahi thi. Uska dil mazeed uchaat ho gaya. Sar ka bojh badhta jaa raha tha. Usne aayaat ke mafhoom par ghaur karne ki koshish ki.
“Alhamdu lillahi rabbil aalameen.” Surah Fateha ki tilawat shuru hui.
“Arrahmaanir raheem.” Usne tawajjoh markooz rakhne ki poori koshish ki.
“Maaliki yaumiddeen.” Tawajjoh bhatki.
“Iyyaka na’budu wa’iyyaka nasta’een.” Use surah Fateha ka tarjuma aata tha. Usne chand din pehle hi padha tha.
“Ihdinas siraatal mustaqeem.” Seedha raasta…….. usne zahen mein dohraaya.
“Siraatal mustaqeem………. seedha raasta?” uska dil chaha wahan se bhaag jaaye. Usne wahan namaaz jaari rakhne ki ek aakhri koshish ki.
“Siraatal lazeena an’amta alaihim.” Uska zahen ek baar phir piche gaya.
“Ghairil maghzoobi alaihim walazzaalleen.” Usne apne bandhe hue hath kholey, wo aakhri saf mein khada tha, bahot aahistagi se chand qadam piche gaya aur saf se nikal gaya.
Masjid se nikaltey hue uske joggers uske haath mein the. Ghayab dimaaghi ke aalam mein wo bahar seedhiyon par khade ho kar chand lamhey idhar udhar dekhta raha. Uske baad wo seedhiyaan utar gaya. Paaon mein juraabein aur hath mein joggers pakde wo khaali-uz-zehni ke aalam mein imaarat ki aqbi deewar ki taraf aa gaya. Wahan bhi ek darwaza aur kuch seedhiyaan nazar aa rahi thin magar wo seedhiyaan barf se ati hui thin. Darwazey par maujood light bhi raushan nahin thi. Usne jhuk kar sab se upar wali seedhi ko apne joggers ke sath saaf kiya aur barf saaf karne ke baad wahan baith gaya. Kuch der pehle hone wali barf baari ab khatm ho chuki thi. Usne seedhi par baith kar apne joggers pahen liye. Tasmey kasney ke baad wo ek baar seedha ho kar darwazey se tek laga kar baith gaya. Uske donon hath jacket ki jebon mein the. Jacket se sath lage ue hood ko wo sar par chadha chuka tha. Saamne sadak par ikka dukka gaadiyon ki aamad-o-raft jaari thi.
Wo seedhiyon par apni taangein phailaye apni pusht darwazey se tikaaye un ikka dukka gaadiyon aur footpath par chalne wale logon ko dekhne laga. Waha us sard aur kohr aalood raat mein khule aasmaan ke niche baithe hue wo kuch der pehle masjid ke garm kamrey mein zyada sukoon mehsoos kar raha tha ya kam az kam behtar zaroor mehsoos kar raha tha.
Us ne jeb mein hath daal kar lighter nikaal liya aur use jala kar apne pairon ke qareeb seedhiyon par padi barf ko pighlaaney laga, kuch der tak wo isi sar garmi mein mashghool raha phir jaise usne uktaa kar lighter dobara jeb mein daal liya. Jis waqt wo seedha hua usne apne bilkul saamne ek aurat ko khada paaya. Wo yaqeenan us waqt wahan aa kar khadi hui thi jis waqt wo seedhiyon par jhuka apne dono paaon ke darmiyaan maujood bard ko lighter se pighla raha tha. Wo neem tareeki mein bhi uske chehre ki muskuraahat ko dekh sakta tha. Wo mini skirt aur ek mukhtasar blouse mein malboos thi. Usne fur coat pehna hua tha magar wo fur coat aage se daanista taur par khula chhoda gaya tha.
Wo fur coat ki dono jebon mein harh daale Salar ke bilkul saamne badi style se khadi thi. Salar ne sar se le kar paaon tak use dekha. Uski lambi taangein us sardi mein bhi barhana thin. Uske aqab mein maujood dukaanon ki raushniyon ke background mein uski taangein bahot numaayaan ho rahi thin aur uski taangein bahot khoobsurat thin. Kuch der tak wo unse nazrein nahin hata saka. Us aurat ke pairon mein boot numa high heel ke joote the. Salar hairaan tha wo barf ke us dher par in jooton ke sath kis tarah chalti hogi.
“I charge 50 for one hour.”
Us aurat ne bade dostaana andaaz mein kaha. Salar ne uski taangon se nazrein hata kar uske chehrey ki taraf dekha. Uski nazrein ke baar phir uski taangon par gayin. Kayi saalon mein pehli baar use kisi par taras aaya. Kya majboori thi ke wo us barf baari mein bhi is tarah barhana phirne par majboor thi, jab ke wo us moti jeans mein bhi sardi ko apni haddiyon mein ghustey mehsoos kar raha tha.
“Ok 40 dollars.”
Use khamoosh dekh kar us aurat ko andesha hua ke shayad wo qeemat uske liye qaabil-e-qubool nahin thi, isliye usne fauran usme kami kar di. Salar jaanta tha 40 dollars bhi zyada the. Wo sadak par 20 dollars mein bhi ek ghantey ke liye kisi ladki ko haasil kar sakta tha. Wo 35-40 saal ki thi aur baat karte hue mohtaat nazron se sadak par idhar udhar dekh rahi thi. Salar jaanta tha ye ehteyaat kisi police car ya police wale ke liye thi.
“Ok 30…….. No more bargaining. Take it or leave it.”
Salar ki khamushi ne uski qeemat ko kuch aur kam kiya. Salar ne is baar kuch bhi kahe baghair apni jacket ke andar ki jeb mein hath dala aur wahan maujood chand currency note nikaal kar uski taraf badha diye. Uske paas us waqt wallet nahin tha. Us aurat ne hairaani se use dekha aur phir un noton ko uske hath se jhapat liya. Wo pehla gaahak tha jo use advance payment kar raha tha aur wo bhi 50 dollars, jab ke wo apni qeemat kam kar chuki thi.
“Tum mere sath chalogey, ya main tumhare sath.” Wo ab badi be takallufi se usse puch rahi thi.
“Na main tumhare sath chalunga, na tum mere sath. Bas tum yahan se jao.” Salar ne ek baar phir sadak ke dusri taraf maujood dukaanon par nazrein jamaate hue kaha.
Wo aurat be yaqeeni se use dekhti rahi.
“Waqai?”
“Haan.” Salar ne be ta’assur lehje mein kaha.
“To phir tum ne ye kyun diye hain?” Us aurat ne apne hath mein pakde hue noton ki taraf ishaara kiya.
“Taa ke tum mere saamne se hat jao, main sadak ke us paar dukaanein dekhna chahta hoon aur tum usmein rukawat ban gayi ho.” Usne sard mohri se kaha.
Aurat be ikhteyaar qehqaha laga kar hansi. “Tum acha mazaaq kar lete ho, kya main waqai chali jaaun?”
“Haan.”
Wo aurat kuch der use dekhti rahi. “Okay, thank you honey.” Salar ne use mud kar sadak paar karte hue dekha. Wo laa sha’oori taur par use jaata dekhta raha. Wo sadak paar kar ke ek dusrey koney ki taraf jaa rahi thi, wahan ek aur aadmi khada tha.
Salar ne dobara nazrein un dukaanon par jama lin, barf baari ek baar phir shuru ho chuki thi. Wo phir bhi itmenaan se wahin baitha raha. Barf ab uske upar bhi gir rahi thi.
Wo raat ke dhaai baje tak wahin baitha raha jab sadak ke paar dukaanon ke andar ki lights usne yake-baad-deegrey band hote dekhen to wo apni jacket aur jeans se barf jhaadta hua uth khada hua. Agar waqfey waqfey se wo apni taangein hila na raha hota to us waqt tak wo apne pairon par khada hone ke qaabil nahin reh sakta tha. Uske bawajood khada ho kar qadam uthane mein use kuch diqqat hui. Chand minute wahin khada apne pairon ko jhatakta raha aur phir usi tarah jacket ki jebon mein hath daal kar wapas apartment ki taraf jaane laga. Wo jaanta tha Saad ne use masjid se nikal kar bahot dhunda hoga aur uske baad wo wapas chala gaya hoga.
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