Theme: Random Corporate Conversations
Genre: Reality Bites

Another meeting, another round of boredom. It’s so hard to stifle a yawn when all I want to do is put my head down on the table and doze off. People take forever to join the meeting, because as Indians, we are forbidden to respect others’ time. Time doesn’t matter, right? It’s the cheapest commodity available when it comes to meeting. Time, and useless words, both are in abundance.

People walk in, take forever in deciding where they want to sit (to attract least amount of attention). Useless chitchat and jokes fly around. With a silent order from the director, the manager brings up his arsenal: a deck of slides. Within seconds, the projector shows a powerpoint presentation, the first slide. Usualy company-wide template with white and three different shades of blue. It’s the title that catches my attention.

Discussing the Management Survey Results 2026

Comic sans for a formal meeting? Who are they trying to fool? Do they think that the hilarity of the font will take away the seriousness of the topic? Yes, I agree now. This meeting is a must and this management is in dire need of some survey and feedback.

After what feels like an eternity, the manager finally clears his throat because no meeting can start without clearing of throat, right?

“Aaahhh…As you all know…”

Why the assumption? Maybe some of us DON’T know.

“…every year, aaah… we do the… exercise… of getting some…y’know… feedback from all of y’all…”

Second of all, why do us Indian punctuate our sentences with aaaahhh in varying levels of length and enunciation? Can we not form proper sentences in our head before opening our stupid mouths?

And… First of all, why do people say all of y’all? What does that mean? Is it correct usage or something like “revert back”?

“Please feel free to speak. This is a safe place to talk.”

“If you have to convince people to talk and say that this is a safe place to talk, it probably isn’t.” Words are out of my mouth before I knew. I curse myself under the breath and wipe my face with both hands, as if that would undo the blunder I’ve just committed.

All eyes are on me, as if asking: you can speak?

Yes, I can speak.

Hum bhi munh mein zabaan rakhte hain

Kaash puchho ki mudda’a kya hai…

I sigh inwardly. I can’t back down now.

“People don’t consider it a safe place to talk, that’s why people don’t speak up here in face-to-face meeting but pour their hearts out in the ratings and responses of the survey,” I add. Might as well go the full mile.

“What are you talking about?” the director says, spit flying off his mouth alongwith words. “We never say a word to anybody.”

Yes, keep emphasizing all the words, that’d convince me.

“… If they speak up. There are no consequences later on.”

“Oh, come on!” I snort, surprising myself. My words have a mind of their own today it seems. But… I can’t stop now. “The consequences are immediately seen.” I enunciate. I’m sorry, I had no intention of mimicking one of the people from leadershit team but I guess it’s contagious? The habit of speaking with emphasis as if you know it all and others don’t. “There are three distinct occasions on which I raised a point, voiced my concerns and all three times, the manager started spitting out words.” There’s a sputter of laughter, so I pause. I don’t know if people relate to this or not, but I’m going to speak my mind nonetheless. “If I hadn’t backed down, there would have been some physical damage,” I continue. This time, the laughter was so loud, I fear the meeting room’s wall will shake and the roof will fly off.

“No, don’t talk about the past incidents. You cannot refer to the past incidents. You cannot base your opinions based on past incidents,” the director says, enunciating negative words to assert his authority.

Ummm??? Excuse me? What else would I base it on? Future incidents?

“What has happened, has happened…” the director continues.

Yeah, classic excuse of getting away with BS.

“…From now on, there won’t be any consequence. You are free to talk.” The director turns his attention to the manager who’s (supposed to be) running the show today at the moment. “Let’s start.”

Yeah, right… That’s how you encourage people to talk, by changing the subject.

Two hours later, I am sitting in a small conference room. This is my impromptu 1:1 meeting with the manager. We haven’t had a 1:1 in the past four months, by the way. Because his previous meeting always run over time. I don’t ping him because he is one of the most annoying people to talk to, and I put a lot of effort in staying away from such people. What are the odds that I chose today to come to office? One:one is NOT a conversation I like but I can’t skip today. Worse, I have to physically tolerate the conversation.

I swivel in the chair, knowing exactly why the urgent 1:1 was scheduled.

My manager walks in, his gym body disallowing him to walk properly. He sits opposite me.

“So, let’s talk about what you said in the meeting earlier,” he begins. “The leadership does not appreciate such remarks about leadership. We have a policy…”

Leadership… More like leadershit.

I sigh and lean back in the chair. It’s going to be a long meeting where he will talk and I will listen. Because it’s a safe place to talk, remember? I need to bear the consequences of speaking up in this place, I think it is the safest place to talk.

~~~

Shabana Mukhtar