A Retrospective: The week that was – 19w16

Hello again and welcome to my world!

Ah, what a week it has been!

The insomnia is back in full swing. It started on Saturday. Saturday was Shab-e-Bara’at, or Mid-Sha’ban

The night is regarded as the night when Allah decides the forture for individuals for the coming year. It is a night when individual is evaluated for the previous year.  In short, it is a night to offer a lot of prayers and seek forgiveness, which is generally just about every major Muslim festival is about. It is about praying, seeking forgiveness, asking for blessings and happiness.

My usual routine is to read daily salat, offer salat-ul-tasbeeh and recite Quran. I am falling behind on my routine of reading Quran. I have 9 more ajza to finish.

After that, I did what I do the best – I freaked out.

I have OCD, I worry too much, especially about things that are not under my control. I cannot change the way my previous year had been. I can strive to better the present. I vow to the same. It still does not help. Before I know, I started having trouble to breathe. I was tired, but too restless to sleep.

Then comes the next bout of anxiety. I looked at the time and freaked out some more. Soon, it was four o’clock. A part of me probed me to get up and eat Sehri to fast the next day. The evil part of me wanted to shut my eyes and go to sleep. I did the worst combination. I got up, ate a plateful as I was famished, but did not fast the next day.

Then came the most difficult part – staying awake till Salat-al-Fajr (the first prayer that is offered around the break of dawn) time. I felt dizzy, because my stomach was full, but I survived the test and stayed until I heard the azan.

I offered prayers, asked for a peaceful sleep and went to bed. I kept waking up every two hours or so.

It has not stopped since. First, I have trouble falling asleep. Second, I keep waking up all paranoid. I get up to see all switches are off, all windows and doors are closed. The main door is locked and latched. The gas cylinder knob is off. I am getting worse by the day.

It does not help that I still have to come to office, doh, everyday. I manage to finish my work, but only I know how painful that is, when all I want is to shut my eyes and doze off.

So, office was a challenge. 

To make things worse, I have a deadline of publishing the second edition of my first Urdu book ‘Uff Yeh Ladki’ and English transation of the same on April 28th, which is the anniversary of my book writing journey. I guess the addional hours I am getting due to lack of sleep, are a blessing in disguise. I get more time to work on the revision.

That reminds me, I am pleased to announce that the translation of my first book is coming out soon. I would like to inform you that I will be giving away for the same. Please read this post to find more details. Or just drop me an email.

I had decided to read some Asian writers this week. I read only two books so far. I will review them separately.

Enough about me, how have you been? How was your week?

I want to take a moment and thank every visitor on my blog. Your time is appreciated 🙂 I want to leave you with a mouth-watering sinful delight for your tastebud.



Shabana Mukhtar